Expectations only leads to disappointment.
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Trying, or trying too hard?
I guess i'm trying way too hard.
Labels: Deepthoughts
like a melody in my head;
that i can't keep out.
kelroyweeyuting
alive and kicking for 18 years.
currently studying in Republic Poly.
Diploma in Sports & Exercise Sciences.
part of Team Republic Canoe,
& hello, nice to meet you.
There she goes
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249. Expectations.
Monday, September 14, 2009; 5:38 PM
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248. Even if the sky is falling down.
; 12:20 AM
Ok, first up! - TAKE A LOOK AT RPC'S WORDPRESS! BIG THANKYOU TO BEVERLY BRENDA KIM! :) Very nice, very cute, very very goodzx. :D - Second, Adeline's Livejournal! - the Pol-ite feel is finally here. to attend training, to train hard, to give it our best no matter how fatigue we may be feeling its to the extend that our hands turned cold and numb, injuries starts to hurt but just continue to grit our teeth, flinging our arms, twisting our bodies, kicking and pulling, every strokes making the best of it. know what's the best part? it's when you turn around and see that you're not alone. that you see the other 8 girls,undergoing the same shit as you, enduring the same pain and motivating. 9 K1 boats all lined up together, every now and then, full attendance. how often do you see such a scenario. its totally un- describable girls who don't bother much about getting their hair all short (except for cath and sihong) girls who doesnt mind being bulky and tanned up like African kids girls who doesnt bother when the guys said " huh, our team where got girls? all so man" girls who train and play hard like nobody's business at the same time tell me where to find such amazing girl's team Pol-ite is going to be the last race for the senior batch. lets make it happen this year. last year we had the women championship, this year, both. we have been training really hard, continue striving and we will reap what we sow. lets not even bother about those irritating whiney ones for now for they will only get into our nerves and make us suffer even more. LAI ! lets all do it together. to both guys and girls who are worthy. Republic Canoe SA! - Ahhh. how nice. :) Makes me smile. heeeeeeee. OK, its gonna be monday. Another week of intensive training. I took leave for the whole of this week. Training + Fun + Relaxing. :) Lets see. Monday - head down to Wilson's chalet after training. His engagement party! :) Then Nat's gonna give me a lift home since he stays nearby and whee, good. saves alot of trouble. :) - Tues - Training + steamboat(??). - Wed - Might have plans in the morning followed by training. - Thursday - Training. - Friday - TGIF! Training + Chilling. - Sat - Family day. - Sunday - Sentosa~ :) - Ahh. perfect!. :) agreee with me. OK work was quite retarded today. haiya, nothing much to say anyway. Anyway morning went to help out at the Mizuno wave run at NYP. we were complaining like, damn gehkiang and all but oh well, we did had fun. Baggage was chaotic esp when runners collect their bags but haha, shutter run, running forward and backward, shouting of toto numbers. heh. cooliozx. :) Where do you find this kind of events with your teammates helping out. Though there were only mostly senior guys + full attendance from girls, still, we had our own fun. Though didnt get jersey size but all was fine. Just that i woke up at 4am, spent $10.50 early in the morning cabbing to Xiaojun's place. then another $6 to NYP. Followed by me whining badly, close to flaring up at everybody because the migraine was like, wanna trigger dont wanna trigger off. Heh, after awhile was fine. Till leaving NYP, trained home with Xiaojun. :) her turn to whine. haha. Reached home bathe smack straight into bed till 2.30. bathe again and work! OK NOTHING MUCH ALR RIGHT! oh, meet up with Yeewen, Michelle and Mr Cris. hmm, still alright? didnt really catch up alot. but better than nothing. many thoughts, but, forget it. OK. THE END. :D So.. let me see... yknow, your words worked like magic. unpredictable, special, surprising, and O.O! yeah, like that. everything that comes from you never fails to bring comfort to me. The way you ease my mind is like, way damn unique. "you like my sugar, my sugar, you so sweet, so sweet." heh. hello gangster, where are you? Labels: Deepthoughts, Team, Teammates, Training, Work |
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243. Fire burning.
Saturday, September 12, 2009; 12:20 AM
i mean it when i said just shut up and train.
Seems like some people are still -.- damn. -.-. like that. very irritating, very annoying. this feeling is getting worse eh. -.- its not a good sign. i bear grudges much, know? So i guess neither of us realise we've been training 2 weeks straight this way? 3 sessions of training everyday. Crazy as it may seemed. Appetite has grown, like, alot. Despite burning lesser than the others due to the knee & not running tgt with the team but still, i'm burning the carbo so i guess its still fine to remain the appetite this way. As it came to one point that, we either sleep and rest in the bus, or in the shed. Excluding Monday & Thursday since we head back to RP to gym. Tues, Wed, Friday. After lunch = head back to the shed to sleep. I'd then go to that spot of mine, make myself comfortable, and then drift off. Its quite nice to sleep there, really. :) I mean, i think LSR has become another home for me and that, though its like filled with leaves, some ants crawling here and there, i guess i wouldnt really mind much but to just lay down and, sleep. :D Training is turning like a crazy shit for all of us. I swear! Its like, crazy, insane, & you just go to break through all your emotions, mental barriers and everything. Cause its impossible to go through just the motion and then pack up and go home. I swear you'd learn something and get something before packing up and heading home in the evening. Yesterday we did 30s on 30s off. it was CRAZY. Frequency and power must be there and executing it was mad terrible. Your arms are flinging all around, no matter how tired, how sore, you just got to keep going. I swear at the end of ytd, satisfied much but it was really chui. Today was 1 min on and 30s off. another chui session of training. luckily it was evening. morning session was 8 x 250m with a short hose tube tied underneath the boat which causes great resistance and paddling, kicking and twisting was like, WHACK SUDDEN AND HARD. like, hen tong leh. =(. Yes, knee is, like, bad, *shake head* bad. idk what else i can say alr. i just got to keep relying on tape. hoping and wishing i'd get through all till after november 29. Training is crazy. Pain is crazy. but believe me when i say i'm loving the pain. The feeling of your body feeling sore and sour when you wake up in the morning makes you wanna cry but deep down, the sense of achievement and satisfaction would be there, no doubt. I believe, after this 5 weeks of intensive training, i will grow stronger. Especially in mentality, definitely, much more stronger. You just wouldnt know how crazy it is. I just dont know how to let you know. Thank goodness, the 8 girls are with me. Tell me about it. RPC mighty girls. 9 of us, paddling in k1, full attendance, chionging together. Believe me when i say its a beautiful sight. Beauty that you do not see on the external but internal. just 9 boats, 9 girls, giving their best, heading towards the same direction, sharing only one goal. tell me about it. Check out facebook for our photos kae. :) So like since it was running for the 2nd session of training today, everyone went ahead and i was left in the shed alone. Pulled the stool over to my favourite corner, sat down and started reading, A Walk To Remember. Filled with emotions, thoughts, and all sorts of those words you can relate to. The rain started getting heavier. It was some kind of add on ambience shit thing that makes my mood even more. omg. I swear i was so into the story and i started going crazy and people who came back from the run thought i was crazy. gahh. end up crying, end up drying up the tears and end up tearing again. Gosh.. (Y). the book was a good one, a very good one. So again, i've learnt something new today! :) The book was really great. Today is friday, & i didnt have to work. So head straight home after training today. Unpacked and head out to meeting Xiaojun, Angeline & Joachim for supper. Then back to Northvale playing games, having random talks and yeah, time to go home. ok this is random but im staring out my balcony. the moon is, really nice tonight? like, orangy red though its half covered by clouds but its really pretty. Yay to weekends, sleep in more? nahh. I'm meeting Mr Cris, Yeewen & Michelle tomorrow evening for lunch. :) Sunday 6.30am at NYP for helping out at the Mizuno run, then chionging down to the zoo to work at 3 - 11pm. then its back to intensive training again! Days are getting pass very very fast. It gets a little torturous at times but i knocked off fast enough before i start having wild imaginations. I wouldnt really say that everyday was a good day because, things are just not ok. I hate pretending that things are fine. I hate going through everyday like this. but. I really dunno what else i can do. - It's never enough to say I'm sorry It's never enough to say I care But I'm caught between what you Wanted from me, and knowing If I give that to you I might just disappear. Nobody wins when everyone's losing Oh, it's like One step forward and two steps back No matter what I do you're always mad And I can't change your mind, Oh, it's like Trying to turn around on a one way street I can't give you what you want And it's killing me and I, I'm starting to see Maybe we're not meant to be It's never enough to say I love you No, it's never enough to say I try It's hard to believe that's there's No way out for you and me And it seems to be, The story of our life Nobody wins when everyone's losing It's like one step forward and two steps back No matter what I do you're always mad And I can't change your mind, oh It's like trying to turn around on a One way street. I can't give You what you want and it's killing me And I, I'm starting to see That maybe we're not meant to be There's still time to turn this around Should we be building this up Instead of tearing it down But I keep thinking Maybe it's too late. It's like one step forward And two steps back, No matter what I do You're always mad and I Can't change your mind, oh It's like tryin to turn around On a one way street I can't give you what you want And it's killing me and I, I finally see, Baby we're not meant to be - I don't need what you're giving me. Labels: Deepthoughts, Friends, Team, Teammates, Training |
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238. Gotta be somebody.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009; 11:07 PM
最近心情果然越变越沉重. i need to let out my thoughts. i need to start picking up the pen again. i need to buck up. i need more time. i need to stop binging. i need to stop venting. i need to take care of the knees. i need to take care of the wrist. i need to get hold of myself. i need to take care of myself. i need to stop thinking that im superman who can take the world all by myself. i need to start breathing. i need to be happyyyyy. a temporary change of k2 partner. a change in k4 sitting arrangement. a change of work schedule. a change of this, a change of that. Love to stress myself. Hate stress. Make sense? not. Expectations are way too demanding. it gets quite scary how much a perfectionist wants things to be perfect. it'll just turn into something that no one wants it to be. retarded people can fuck off from my life. in case you didnt know, i dont need you in my life, at all. haiya im so tired, i should just head to bed. kbye. Labels: Deepthoughts, K2, K4, NoteToSelf |
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232. River of dreams.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009; 2:23 PM
Yesterday marked the end of Semester one. Everyone is moving on for now. Why is it when we realise how close we've come together and time left is so little. By the time we starts to treasure and cherish, its actually time to bid farewell. Then you corner yourself and recall, those memorable little times. Memories that leave you smiling, laughing to yourself, then slowly, you'd end up tearing. I remember walking out of the house feeling tired and lethargic, despite the early UT at 8.30am, I still drag myself up and all. Adventure Education UT ended, then headed to eat, then sat at the same corner, to study. It then came to me that, in another few more hours, we're all gonna clear our last UT and when will be the next time all of us, gather together. River of dreams. This tune, this melody, was played on repeat. Slowly, i start to remember, i start to recall, i started smiling, i started crying. This semester, would be the best semester so far. Because i had Xiaojun with me, because i knew greater and better friends. Because everyday was filled with joy. Everyday had turned out better due to people around me. I'm starting to miss going to class. Even if grades would be downgraded by 0.5, i wouldnt mind, just to have happy meals. Maybe, just maybe, i've allowed my emotions to take over everything by now. I thought i should have alr got used to RP's style of changing classes each semester. Maybe i shouldnt place hard feelings into this because SHL is a small group and we'll still be in the same block. Still, at the back of my mind, i want this to last. Let me be greedy, for this once, because i really want it till eternity. I remember texting both Xiaojun & Joachim before our Health and Wellness UT and i totally stoned. I told Joachim this feeling feels worse than Graduation. He replied, "Graduation was the end of the journey. Ours, wont." Heavy hearted. I dont even know i should start breaking down or start smiling. Remember the MSN conversations we had, those that cracked us up so badly that we had to laugh softcore-ly behind our screens. Joachim would always be the first to burst into laughter, especially during IPA. Meimei would then start saying, "I don't know whats so funny, Joachim". Then you'll see people like Xiaojun, Minghee, Bernice and me bursting out laughing too as well. - Remember how we actually tease each other about liking who. I remember Xiaojun's. I remember Joachim's. Lol. Remember how we actually look forward to IPA because of Hee! We'd then give eye contacts and start smiling. - Remember how we used to laugh at people's pronounciation and start typing the word out. How we used to comment on people's dressing. Today go partorh with who. Today go wedding. *laughs*. - Remember IPA. Remember Joachim coming into class with a beanie and then removing it, which got us, O.O! OMGWTFTOTALLY! Remember Xiaojun's blur face whenever she walked into class. Remember how she TSK facis and how she cont fb-ing with the heck care face when faci says, "Xiaojun, contribute". Remember how Minghee treated her students as if it was a military camp. Remember how Ben always go, "Lurve eu deep deepzx." Remember Adam's Partytank. Remember Siuching's collar tee with laosai pants. Remember this, remember that. Remember the best times we ever had. Do you? I sure do. I wouldnt really say we've bond to the max max. but, its been a long way. I know i'll still see all of you again. But, tell me, if it would ever remain this way, the same as before. Not letting it fade, not letting it turning into, "hello." "goodbye." friends. After walking out of the classroom, after saying goodbye to Joachim, Xiaojun & I headed to the complex. I thought my heart sank really badly. Gym was crazy enough, the weights I'm taking wasnt of usual weights. Abs was done with much more endurance. Bathed, and had a talk with you. Heartless, bastard, i know i'm one. I know i sucks, and never was perfect. Watching your backview as you took your leave, feeling your tears on my shirt. Im sorry, thats all i could ever say. As cold as i am, i cant feel a thing. Numbed, immuned, because i have to get used to doing all that i've done. to hurt others, to hurt you. Dinner, and back to CCK. With Xiaojun & Angeline. Alighted, met Joachim. Bought Heineken. Sat at the bench in Northvale, drank, random chats, laughters, going crazy, hearing cat's meowing loudly. Head got really heavy, refuse to allow tears to give way, refuse to speak anything right through. Times up, send them off to the station, thank goodness that they were able to catch the last train. Then slowly, made my way home. Unpacked, headed to shower, washed up. Started writting, or rather, scribbling. Set aside the book and pen, laid down, feeling hopeless, feeling helpless. With the phone in my hand, texting was hard. It was hard to type, it was harder to press the send button. I did it all still, maybe because i wasn't holding back anymore. or rather, i didnt have the strength to hold back. Thank God for everything. Friends He've sent to me are the greatest angels on earth. Im glad, im grateful, for everything. Assurance, thats all i ever need. I'll keep this band glowing, & i'll smile each night, knowing you're with me, Xiaojun. Oh! i didnt realise i've took up 1 hour of my time to blog. o.o oh gosh. ahh, alright, i need to end this like soon, its a long entry.. :/ So today would be the start of intensive training. no wait, tomorrow. And i'll be training all the way till next friday, to get my break - Saturday. I'm gonna live with it, i'm gonna do what it takes to heal both my knees. I'm thinking of consuming Anlene. Makes me feel old. :/ but if its working, why not. Big thanks to the 3 of you, for coming down to CCK to drink with me. & i heard Angeline got abit cannot make it ah. :/ Phew, luckily she didnt take in the whole can. *laughs*. Thanks, big thankyouzx. :) And special thanks to Adeline too, touched by your concern, :) Bee, as sweet as honey, love you. :) *edit* I read your LJ, im touched, again. thanks Adeline, You know how i feel, words are just not enough to express myself. thankyou, so much. *editted* - And Catherine, life doesnt sucks. someone told me, life is like shit, but people around you makes it smells better. We're here for you, you can count on us. Remote is in your hands, you control it. its your decision, to perfect your life, or not. because you know you yourself can be the one that make things better, or worse. follow your heart, life is short, live it to the fullest. Nothing worth doing is ever easy, you remember that. Lastly you, you realise what you've done to me? <3^o7. I will remember. more than anything i could ever ask for. :) Now, don't say this is a emo post, cause, everything was well summed up beautifully. :) Ahh, what a great wednesday. :) Good day, all. :) Labels: Class, Deepthoughts, Friends, Joachim, School, Xiaojun |
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228. Messed up.
Friday, August 21, 2009; 12:35 PM
4 years ago, just 4 years back, i made this mistake. That was the first. & i thought it would be the last. i was wrong. months ago, just months ago, i made the same mistake. & i thought it would be the very last time. i was wrong. yesterday, just yesterday. it all happened too quickly. as afraid as i am. im numbed and immuned. to the pain. like, i dont feel anything anymore. Surprisingly, shockingly, i did it. Cold hearted, harsh, speaking words that brought no feelings. what has become of me, seriously, tell me. As disappointed as most are, I'm more than just disappointed in myself. cause its not the first time, and i should be clear of how i should be feeling now more than anyone else. let this be the third and final thrashing i'll take. after that, no more 4th, no more next time. Predict the future? can you? if you can look straight into my eyes and tell me, its worth it, i'll then look straight back into your eyes and ask you, forever? Nothing last forever. Like someone now, and can you be sure that in the years to come, you still like him/her? Prove me wrong then. its so unpredictable. you wouldnt feel good, when you're being brought up this way, to want things perfectly done. Perfectionist, i'm far from being one but i like to do things perfectly. You think its good? think again. Give me a reason, why should people let known their feelings to the ones they love, when in the years to come, it would be a different person that they're expressing their love to. Give me a reason, if you disagree. Tell me, prove to me that, its gonna be worth it, even if it doesnt works out and both parties end up getting screwed. This post is getting nowhere and i dont wanna be here anymore. So restricted, fuck it. Fskhw, see you. Labels: Deepthoughts |
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184. 一辈子; Forever.
Monday, July 13, 2009; 8:40 PM
Because you live there's a reason why I carry on when I lose the fight Because you live, I live. -             I have no pictures of you, Enna. So there goes your little niece! :D Lee Zuxian & Stella's photo is not in my lappie. I'm not forgetting them! Izzaidah, you're greatly missed too. :) This post is equally random as this morning's. However, it means alot. This people above, played a part in my life. Friends whom i can rely, for life. Whom i trust, for life. Especially the dearest canoeist girlfriends. You guys are the one. My pillar of strength, thanks for being there, always. Of course, there are many more people who contributes to who i am today, what i am today. but to not create any misunderstanding or mislead anyone. I guess, it shall be left as, *inserts picture* *inserts picture* *inserts picture* yeap. I realise i haven been taking photos with the angels. I love my family, tons. I mean it. TONS. Finally, i'm able to let everything out to Xiuhui. omgosh, i've been waiting for this day for long. Cause i know, your advice would be everything to me. Yes, benchmark. The One. I've learnt from my mistakes. I guess thats just the price i got to pay. Thanks jie, I love you.  If only i could turn back time... Its ok. I'm contented, now. As long as everyone is fine and happy, I will be! :) Words would be kept unspoken. Till the time when its right. (which i dont think it would come anytime soon) Just dance, Gonna be ok. :) OK! the only complain today, is the butt. =( you spin my head right round right round. would you fall to pieces, if i never came back. take your sweet, sweet time. I can wait, i can wait forever. Labels: Deepthoughts, Family, Friends, Photos, Teammates |
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138. Never looking back again.
Friday, May 29, 2009; 10:37 PM
i've been missing out alot... :) partial-ed and left the class with the facilitator still in class. :/ before that was a surprise for Cheryl. hahahaha, totally screwed and cannot make it. but i hope you like the gift, dearest girl! Joyce, we got to keep working hard enough luh! ONE MORE YEAR! thanks Kimo anyway! hahahahaha, i miss you two lots, its been one year since we've known each other. thanks for being there, dearest powerpuff girls. :) Slack at the library with Bernice & Joachim. Xiaojun then came along. :) packed up around 2plus. Met her friend at causewaypoint. Chatted for quite awhile before Adeline came. Headed to control station to wait for Angeline. TOWN! :D Shopping was great! it seems forever since i last shopped for myself. 2 pants from Giordano for only $53. Super cheap. 1 tanktop from mooks for $23. Super cheap. 3 female Stretty undies for $15. Super cheap. hahahaha, not bad eh! :) Very satisfied. :D Great fun in Mooks when Minghee was serving us. Super funny when Xiaojun was using those tone. laugh and laugh. I love the tanktop i got. hahaha, Xiaojun got the same one, just different colour & size. :/ hahahahaha. Pastamania for dinner. Full to the max. Love the companion. Love the food. Love today. heee. many thoughts here and there. everywhere. i've decided. i've made my choice. It doesnt matter much anymore. and no matter what the status is, its of no difference. ke neng shi zhen de kan kai le. im speechless. but i will smile. because it happened. :) I've been missing out alot. really. social life. everything. its time to step out of my turtle shell. I'm so looking forward to my next two weeks of holidays. Im so gonna enjoy it to the max. you bet i will. Train hard, NCC is in 3 weeks. Nothing much else in my mind. Just, enjoy, ignore, and stay happy. Theres so much in life. Look far, i know i'll be fine. :) Goodnight readers. :) seriously, dont take me for granted. i know what you've been doing. stop those reasoning and excuses. but i'm not gna stop you. go ahead. as long as you're happy. nothing else matter. at least to you. Labels: Deepthoughts, Friends, NoteToSelf, TGIF |
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032. Cherished.
Monday, February 9, 2009; 7:56 PM
/edit at 9.09pm. - Whatever you say, Boss. Cause i'm really tired of every single fucking shit. Cause i'm really sick of pretending who you wanted me to be. Call me a loser, so what? Yeah yeah, You're the superman, I'm the loser. If i have the choice, I'll quit. Happy now? Yeah, so you're gonna call me a fucking quitter now? Seriously, just go ahead. I cant be bothered, anymore. Am.Fucking.Tired. - /editted. I tried to upload photos up. My laptop's bluetooth died on me. -.- GREAT. and I'm lazy to like, go one big round to upload it so forget it. Dinner with the Wees yesterday. 10 of us. :). oh well. it was a good one so I guess the bill was worth all. I think this is a very random post. :/ - I bet most of all people have been through this stage of love. Where you actually, am willing to give up all and all to him/her. I've definitely been through that before. I think someone told me this or I read it somewhere, "To give in all you get, but you're suffering in silence." No matter how much on lookers cant bear to see you get hurt, you would go all out for it. Be it suffering in silence or not. Because you know it yourself, its all worth the sacrificing. I did that before, and, it ended up with no regrets. because I believed I've tried, I've gave my best, and, I've got my answer. To give in, and not expect appreciation in return. The process is tiring I must say, It is really tiring. at point of times you would go crazy. but love is blind. and love makes ppl goes crazy. Love is a language that everyone speaks. therefore, we're all crazy. - Trust me, this post is definitely NOT refering to anyone in particular. Its just some deep thinking i've been doing and its really a random post. I thought Love was beautiful... So beautiful... I didnt know it would hurt so badly. Open up your mind and see like me? =/ 就算你我再热闹喧哗中走散 友情会在第一时间赶来 让跳乱的心情平躺下来 重新的呼吸简单 深深的满满的 朋友只要你被孤单压的叫不出来 我第一时间送出关怀 热热的眼神陪你看开 找回那片大自然 为着你抱紧你相信你 我确定 To say the truth, my mind is in a confused state. Mixture of feelings. Sad, hurt, whatever i'm feeling is not important. Putting myself in different people's shoes. I feel fucking sad. Why? God, help me, help them. I cant bear to see this happening, anymore. "If you're willing, place your hand in mine. I can't promise i'll be a perfect friend, but i'll be there for you, all the time. You can trust me, dear friend." 我累了. 晚安. Labels: Deepthoughts, Family, Random |
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030. Changing, Never Ending.
Thursday, February 5, 2009; 7:48 PM
YOOOOHOOOOO!!!! Sunday night was a torture. I hate it. Monday double session training was alright I supposed? I forgot alr luh. I only remember i took hell loads of photo on that day. After training to bugis with Ade, Xiaojun and Sihong to pei Ade cut her hair! Strudelll~ yummylicious. trained to lakeside to Melvin's house. Dinner, and talk chill slack. :). left at 10pm with Xiaojun and headed home. That night wasnt really peaceful. :/ Tues morning. Woke up at 10am++. Online and decided to chiong my $4.50 Mac meal lunch offer from 12pm - 2pm. Reached IMM at 12.45 meeting Xiaojun and Markcus. :) WAH CHIONG MACSPICY AND MACWINGS PLEASE! HAHAHA! TOTALLLLL SHIOKNESS! decided to give myself a break to binge on junk because of the screwed mood. Headed to JP, dessert. JI DE CHI! O.O! At night, met up with the primary school mates. Sharon, Louis and Delwin. YAY! :) Ajisen. TOMYAM RAMEN! total fatness that day. anyway. good catch up yo. we had a fun time laughing and crapping. :) Met up with Joshua at limbang. Mac for him, steal abit of his food. hehe. Went to the playground. :). Many missess... Many memories... talk, laugh, smile, home. :) Yesterday was fat again. After water training ytd, headed to mac and chiong the $4.50 meal again. Mac spicy and mac wings again. HAHAHAHA! SHIT SHIT SHIT! Slack with Ade Sihong and Xiaojun till Sihong left and we cont and left too. Joshua's place, slept, Thai express. wah freaking fat. T.T hah. dun care luh. Homeee~ Today double training damn chui please. T.T my left shoulder have been giving me problems like very badly. =( I realise my appetite have been big. Due to the mood? or what. i dunno. Maybe its mood. Cause I didnt really eat much of dinner. :/ Today's meeting after training allowed me to open up. I got to jiayou. Not only me, but Jaf, Cat & Ken. Also the whole committee and the team. Come on people, love deep yo, JIAYOU! Gosh Kel, stop bearing grudges. =( I'm SAD! Markcus & Xiaojun out at PLAY. with Ade and Sihong. I also want. doubt I'll ever have a chance.... :/. I'm really tired. I want to sleeepppp. btw, I got the job at zoo! yay! they called on wednesday. damn happy! reporting tomorrow. 2pm-6pm. :):)~ Hurrayyyy! Friends. Friends don't lie. Friends don't fake. Friends don't pretend. Friends will stay.. You know, this matter actually kept me thinking, and not allowing other thoughts to enter my mind. You know how tough this actually gets for me. Maybe I'm being stupid or silly. But just how much this means to me, to actually allow me to spend 2 hours lying on my bed just thinking and wishing for every single thing before I fall asleep. How much I want things to work out. I'm really upset to see all this. I dont want this to happen. Please do not let it happen. You guys means so much so much to me. =( Too late? =( I forsee my busy schedule~~~ ahhh, I dunno. Im not really sure. I hope things will turn out fine. :/ Work, Training. Jiayou ahh.. Xiaojun, I'm so sorry for the capsizing and all on k2 luh. Yes, its my fault! =( hahahaha. But I love you all the same. *hugs and kisses* Same to you Markcusssss. :) Joshua, thanks ok? :) You've been of great help and your listening ears are the best thing I could ever ask for. Sometimes I feel inferior. Sometimes this sometimes that. Im not sure how Im feeling inside before... now I know.. As much as i hate _, I love _. As much as i want to _, I want to _ too. Sigh. 北极星的眼泪 说不出的想念 原来我们活在两个世界 Labels: Deepthoughts, Friends, J, Team, Training |
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027. Its the start of something new.
Friday, January 30, 2009; 9:31 PM
Hello people~ :):):):) Tues was chu er. Visiting and all, nothing much happen, shall not elaborate further! :). Wed, meet up with Markcus and Xiaojun at westmall. 5pm, Tomi, Markcus, Xiaojun, Bev and Joshua came over to my place. chat, slack, secrets all about me leak out because of Mummy luhhhhh. Hello, my name is, Kelroy Stella Chrysanthemum Wee Yu Ting Huang Qi Luo. You can call me Kelroy, Kel, Stella, Chrysanthemum, Chrys(Chris), Weewee, Yuting Or Qiluol - Total madness. Played blackjack and i think lady's luck is with my this year. :D 8pm, headed to Tomi's place. Play games. Drink, Drank, Drunk. Circle of death was a killer to everyone of us, except for like, Joshua, ok wait, Joshua almost died. Everyone got killed. WHY!? LEMME STATE THE REASONSSS. Dare part was totally like, really dare. 1 - Tomi and Markcus got killed when they were dared to kiss. 2 - Joshua didnt die because his kissing target was me. -.-? 3 - Markcus died again when he was dared to kiss Bev and thus, Bev died too. 4 - I died when I had to kiss Xiaojun and she burst into laughter, and thus, her saliva, ended up, ahem, oh my face. -.- 5 - Xiaojun died because she totally K.O at Tomi's place after i left. 6 - She vomitted all the dried mango she consumed at my place earlier and Tomi died because he had to picked up Xiaojun's solid vomit on the floor and clear up. 7 - I think Markcus and Tomi died while taking care of Xiaojun. 8 - Joshua almost died while sending a drunk Kelroy home. - TADA! SO IN CONCLUSION EVERYONE DIED LUH!. It got quite crazy but it was really fun. except that, we have training the next day and guess what? Only Bev and Me attended training. Xiaojun K.O and Tomi had to settle some stuff. Luckily for us, no hangover. :) Something i would like to confess! I fell in love with RP 07!!! (Tiger k1) - Yesterday's training was the greatest achievement ever. Excluding the strained shoulder and the acheings after training, everything was good! Meeting, sharing of ideas and all was all settled and to sum it all up, yesterday was a very very fruitful day, indeed. I reached the zoo at 7.53pm just now to fill up an application form. People in there were shocked and probably impressed. hahaha. I hope i get the job. Though lesser time for every other thing, but i know i have to do this. It was I really wished time would rewind back to the past where everything was just as normal as then and that period of time was really close to perfect. =( One message came in and it totally brought my mood down like how uno stackos crashed. It really shows how much all this means to me. Apologies to Joshua, who tried his best to cheer me up and failed to do so. :/ but thanks, dear. :) - I set my mind thinking about every single thing. the past. the present. the situation. and whatever is happening now. Then, sitted on the platform, Joshua kept talking, and the tap went loose. Lost of control, emotions conquered my world. big thanks to Joshua, for trying you best to calm me down and telling me, things will always turn out ok.. - met up with Xiaojun and Markcus later in the afternoon and they had lunch and we talked. things got better for me when we 3 went to try the fish spa thing. It was a whole lot of fun and we 3 did have a great time laughing. "hardcore", hahaha. :) ok, training tomorrow. I want improve k2 with Xj. :) jiayou jiayou! pull up yo, pull up. *chants & echo* Potong pasir after training tomorrow to see Charmaine's lovable puppies with Joshua. Goodbye people. :) Labels: Deepthoughts, Friends, Training |
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012. Because I need to.
Sunday, January 11, 2009; 9:18 PM
Its been long since i have this feeling. I think I've alr forgotten how it feels like. Its like a rock dropped to the bottom of your heart, trying to compress everything. Then you start to swallow you saliva. Get it? No. Probably not. :/ 祷告因为我渺小 祷告因为我知道我需要 明了你心意对我重要 祷告已假装不了 祷告因为你的爱我需要 你关怀我走过的你都明白 Labels: Deepthoughts |
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009. Screwed, Crushed.
Thursday, January 8, 2009; 10:48 AM
I seriously do not know what is happening to me. It started of with sleeping late on sunday night. Then my VERY TIRING WEEK STARTS! Monday, after training, go back home, chiong rj, peng. Tues, skip school, dugged out my eyeballs, peng. Wedneday, after training, got into bed before 11 ALREADY! I TRY MY BEST TO SLEEP SO EARLY LAST NIGHT! GUESS WHAT!? Yes, i woke up at 8.23, when i was having a test at 9am. W-T-HELLLLLLLLLL! Xiaojun gave me 2 choice, cab or forget it. I CHOSE NONEEEE! RUSH AND GOT MY ASS OUT OF THE HOUSE BY. 8.30? IMAGINE HOW FAST I DID THAT OK! -.-. reached class by 9.04, sweating like mad, with a wet shirt, sat down and started to do my test. wthell man. oh, i just checked, faci marked me as present instead of late leh~! happy or what!? ok i shall stop complaining. seriously i do not know whats wrong with me? Like, getting myself so tired or what? This week is really a bad week? =( i dunno luh, screwed, very very screwed. I feel like killing myself. dunno whats wrong leh! -.- i got training later, and i will SLEEP EARLY TONIGHT! argh, i better kick the habit of snoozing my alarm. i rmb xiuhui still OEI! me while i was still deep aslp, not realising the alarm was on. Since monday 5 x 50 sets of sit up, MY STOMACH HAS BEEN HURTING SINCE TUES TILL NOW! its still very painful, =( =( i want to cry. each time i sneeze or cough, it just totally kills me luh. wah laoooooooo. Yesterday water training was kind of fun. k2 with xiaojun yeahhhh!!! cap alot of times luh. then, the saving part was hilarious. ahahahahaha, damn funny. and ds kills time yo! especially when Bev vs me on Mario kart. HAHAHAHA. Joshiie starts work today. burps. okies, goodluck. heard that os are coming out on 12th? Good luck to all! I miss Joshiieeee~ bye~ Labels: Deepthoughts, Family, Friends, J, Training |
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007. Bring it all back to you.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009; 8:21 PM
Overslept. happily missed UT. woke up at closing 11. laze around and to Joshua's. I made a mistake. I dare not do it again. I cant believe i actually did all this. I won't deny i'm the sillyiest human being. Just very crazy at that moment to think about it. - Why did I let you walk away When all I had to do was say I'm sorry I let my pride get in the way And in the heat of the moment I was to blame I must be stupid, must be crazy, must be out of my mind Now in the cold light of the day I realize - I'm sorry Joshiie. =( Guess you expected the ending. =( I'm feeling very very guilty. Sorry for walking away with your food. Sorry for wasting your house tissue. =( Sorry for wetting your shirt, bolster and pillow. I was wrong. Me love you. Thanks for having that amount of confidence and trust in me. Thanks for taking care of me. Thanks for loving me. You know i'll love you, no matter what. Thanks for everything. Big love, big hugs. Thanks for the toy. =) *cuddles&snuggles* I better stop skipping school since its like 2 and 1/2 more weeks. Damn it. Sleep early, sleep earlier! Bought some new clothes today. Suspenders and bottoms needed. Jumper? Vest? See how. Shall sleep early tonight. ARGHHH! We could be more than just amazing. 130307, Mi Amor. Love you, Much more than you can ever imagine. Labels: Deepthoughts, J |
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006. So close.
Monday, January 5, 2009; 11:25 PM
Sometimes the matter of heart can really be complicated. I'm really quite, blank about what i'm feeling. Don't really know whats processing in my brian. I'm just taking things step by step. I feel like slapping myself at each stupid thought. I just cant help me? Tell me its not true. Tell me its not true. No. No, no. I'm really tired. from the trainings and all. Huge urge to skip school tomorrow. I'm really tired. =( Joshua is back, met him after training just now. Stop disappearing man. You make my heart race. You make me go crazy. You make me smile like a fool. You make me go excited over you. Its that crazy. Now tell me how am i gonna take all this into control? Labels: Deepthoughts, Friends, J, Training |
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003. Because.
Sunday, January 4, 2009; 12:11 AM
training. K2 with Bev. K1. Pull ups. Push ups. Bathe. Headed to vivo with Xiaojun to meet Markcus. Lunch at super dog. Talked for awhile. Crocs. Bought my pair of crocs. Yellow. Kayaking jitbitz. Xiaojun got one herself too. There were only 2 left. How lucky. Roam around. I forgot what we did. Skygarden? Then we talked. Talked & talked. Left at 6.30pm. Seperate ways. Headed to Newton. Met up with Bev. Plaza Sing. Bought clothes. Roam and roam. Talked. Dinner. Pathetic dinner. Sit outside Plaza Sing. Talked. Into Plaza Sing again. Left at 10pm. Trained home. Thanks Bev for you know what. Helpless. Hopeless. Whatever-less. This isnt the right place. Its weird. More than just weird. Why? Im not sure. Why the tears? Im not sure. Wtf am i even doing. Now. Right now. WTF AM I DOING!? Labels: Deepthoughts, Friends, Training |
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002. Take me away.
Friday, January 2, 2009; 9:22 PM
Chalet was alright. I do not know whether to say if its worth the money though. :/ Food was alright, better then so much of the bbqs i've been to. Lots of alcohol. I guess the only problem was the space of the room. Quite limited. Drank one cup and felt abit tipsy alr. Stopped and eat and drink green tea and water. Lots of things happen luh. Then we had our gift exchanged. It was quite funny. though my gift was like a size of the box of a condom, ppl thought i bought that but it wasnt. $9.90 okkk! its a very nice bracelet band. We were supposed to grab a present from the table and Tomi was excitedly grabbing mine. I just took the last few presents which was left on the table. However i did not know i've taken Tomi's present. Then when Melvin said, we were to choose one poker card, and pair up our cards and exchange the presents with your partner, i started laughing at Tomi. Then guess what, we got the same card, Q. So if we were to exchange, he took back his own, i took back my own! LOL. We didnt exchange luh. His present was, ahem, a box of condom, and a bottle of Vitamin C. Anyway, the box of condom i give my dad alr, dont anyhow think yo. hahaha, played games and drink more alcohol. then cmi and slept. check out at 10am++ and headed home. Slept at 1 till dinner time. Freaking tired. Theres training tomorrow, gonna sleep early. i hope? Joshua is away in genting. I've something really urgent to tell him, i mean i need to tell him. Come back soon. I've made my mistakes I've got no where to run The night goes on As I'm fading away I'm sick of this life I just wanna scream How could this happen to me? - Nothing else can make me feel better right now. Its not a sweet revenge after all. Labels: Deepthoughts, J, Team, Training |
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