I really need tons of it.

I'm still feeling tired.

Like hardcore tired.

idk whats wrong.

Friday marks the end of the 5 weeks intensive training.

Glad, relieved and really really worned out.

Went back to the shed to party after evening session but i was practically trying my best to stay awake.

Wouldnt deny that i had fun but mood went down immediately after leaving LSR.

Yes. trained my 5 weeks away.

Im glad, happy and all.

Improvements leads to satisfaction.

Now awaits the big big day, the big race, the big name.

Work was tiring.

but early shift is better cause time seemed to pass faster..

I'm very tired now.

idk why.

upcoming week only wed and sat sunday training.

rest day on monday tuesday thursday friday.

friday should be working.

gonna make full use of it..

i've been missing out way too much...

I need to get shoes.

My canvas are dying on me.

Everlast sneakers hurts alot when i wear them for long.

why does SHL have to ban students from wearing sandals also.

tmd..

so mafan esp when i have training.

OK SUPER TIRED WHINES TO THE ULTIMATE MAX

OKBYE.

Rechecking of class and classmates.

guess what,

i just saw this particular name and i went crazy.

Tell me how am i going to survive, this, semester.

ok, maybe i should take it positively.

Lets see.

Minghee - E44B

Xiaojun - E44D

Joachim - E44E.

WHO ELSE!?

SO NEAR YET SO FAR!
JUST PUT ALL IN SAME CLASS LAHHHHHHHHH!

BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

=(

Its Daddy's turn to be cute.

-

*Via sms*

Daddy: The more money I give you and the less time I see you. So when I miss you and want to see you more often, I know what to do..

Kelroy: Hahaha, its not that lah Daddy... From today till friday, I will be training at macritchie. Be my chauffer lah!

Daddy: I have to work harder for more money lay..

Kelroy: And i have to train harder to make sure your money dont go down to waste what..

-

Heh.

Anyway, Wilson is STILL growing and i actually mistook him for Daddy at times.

Bah, really tall lah...... T.T

Dont give me all sorts of rubbish and excuses.

Enough is enough.

Not that because its the time of the month of whatever.

yes, i do feel gloomy and shit but i swear i'm fine.

i got pretty irritated for the past few days over little things.

& also explains why im super tired and exhausted.

rest time was like never enough for me.

Losing blood is one thing.

Losing patience is another.

Before it gets really bad,

look, you're treading on thin ice, already.

come on come on..

Just 2 more days of shiong trainings.

Just 2 more days of this kind of long set shit.

Just 2 more days..

endure endure..

Friday's time trial...

Please please..

hang in there..

break(s) are coming.

its all gonna be worth it...

i know its all gonna be..

my mood is really screwed.

for reasons i do not know why.

I feel like i can just flare up at any single thing now.

lose my temper and start throwing tantrums.

I saw tons of people i never want to meet anymore in my whole entire life,

today.

and it was enough to bring my mood to hell.

Fuck lah.

i keep trying. to no avail.

i keep falling.

i keep getting disappointed.

i tried & im tired.

i believe there are more things i should place my thoughts on.

not this, not that, not you, not them.

I thought i've let everything out that particular night.

seems like part 2 is coming soon.

i hate this. i hate it.

stop doing what you're not suppose to do.

i hate whats going on.

i hate how things are in this way.

health is failing on me, yet again.

i cant breathe, i cant smell, i cant taste and i cant sleep.

what is this.

tell me about it.

it came to me that i cant do anything much about how people are doing things.

drift away, stay here, so be it.

I've always placed faith in this phrase,

"Fate determines who comes into your life and heart determines who stays."

things are really getting unfair.

why try so hard to be at your best when people are giving you their shit?

sigh, i dun even know what i'm blogging about now.

I see myself screwing every single thing right now.

screwing myself, screwing my attendance, wasting my time getting sick all over again and not training.

hate it.

hate it.

someone, anyone, please.

please, help me.

please... ... ...

ROAR!

i think i can just kill myself for having that thought.

i recall telling myself that i must not die on myself nearing nwkc.

i can die all i want after nwkc.

great, im dying. grr.

to the doctor's.

viral infection, again. -.-

tmd, how many times must i have it in a year.

3 days of mc.

gonna apply LOA.

sian max lahhzx.

its either i wait for the symptoms or i wait till i recover.

sucks to be at home doing nothing.

I wanna look at nwkc photos.

I wanna eat shaker fries.

I wanna eat tom yam mian xian.

I wanna drink bubble tea.

Im gonna get rest,

my head is throbbing like some drum beating.

Hello you, you have been real naive this few days yeah?

i would say, dumb, foolish and stupid suits you right now.

Why bother so much when this is what you get?

happy? not.

then?

stupid.

just came back from pioneer not long ago.

i can nv run on the threadmill.

just a small step backwards makes me feel like im gonna fall off anytime.

hate the feeling, dont like running on the threadmill.

the last time i ever took a step on the threadmill was at Northvale gym.

years ago when everyone was alive.

and not only the left knee is affected.

my right knee too.

dear knees,

thanks for wearing out at this point of time.

but i need you with me for nwkc.

stay strong.

dont die on me now.

gym-ed.

my body feels like it has been torned apart.

gah, this is horrible.

the pain is idk.

but this is the one of the pain i enjoy max.

ironic?

insane? ahhhh, fuck that kind of pain.

yeah, im insane and im loving the pain.

rah, rp canoeists are like that. no?

i need to lose weight.

because of a particular incident, i lost weight.

now that its back,

i have to get back to where i was that time.

i dont care how im gonna do it, i will.

swimming tomorrow.

time to relax.

we're gonna be kids. :)

mood is screwed.

screwed to the max.

mixture of feelings.

have been dreaming about some stupid weird stuff this few days.

tell me all this isnt true.

dreams are stupid.

dreams are stupid.

fuck you.

i swear i hate you so much right now.

fskhw.

whines, im really fat.

i cant stand it.

No im not those kind who is hardcore skinny and hardcore whining that they're fat.

im seriously fat.

=(

I WANT TO EAT AND EAT AND EAT AND NOT GAIN WEIGHT!

=(

went for self training program given by coach.

im sure i ran more than 5km.

ran aimlessly, without anywhere to head to.

ups and downs.

and great. my knee injury is back.

=(

i. dont. like.

home, grab towel everything, head down to the gym.

gym facilities is reallly really limited.

no bar, no spare weights.

no assisted pull up machine.

no bench press.

only dumbells.

and bench.

oh well.

did what i could with what is there.

called wilson down to assist me for the pull up.

done and go homeeee.

then abs.

wah lao, seriously,

i hate the big fat tummy.

=(.

im gonna run tomorrow morning again.

oh goodness.

just kill me..

=(

really dont like.

cant even do pull up.

wth am i doing luh.

cant pull up,

cant shed fats.

=(

no strong abs,

no strong lats.

how?

kelroy = loser.

how depressing.

anw,

my day did start off well.

excluding the part where i woke up at 5am and felt cranky for awhile.

mummy drove me and xiuhui to the airport to picked daddy up.

:)

then we went for breakfast.

after that i went abit too high in car.

laughed like mad.

also, i started to receive text messages at around 6.20am which made my morning a better one.

super happy.

:)

ok i keep thinking its sunday today.

im heading out to eat belated father's day dinner.

yay.

no wait.

boo.

cause.

food = fat.

ARGH!!!!

IM FREAKING DEPRESSED!

sometimes its not just about saying or what.

yeah,

if its easy, i would have taken the easier route.

Actions speaks louder than words.

you just dont understand.

=(

this feeling is sucky.

dislike, dislike dislike ttm.

you're like that,

and

ok, i dont know what to say alr.

im speechless.

k i wanna sleep.

i'm tired.

i complain.

nothing is done.

f.

F.

CANOE CAMP!

NCC!

because of this two events,

stress everyone like mad please.
YES IM SERIOUS I THINK IM GOING BONKERS I FEEL LIKE DYING EACH NIGHT ROAR TTM!

ok, canoe camp things are settled.

tomorrow is the camp.

hope everything goes smoothly.

and i need to paddle more on k2.

really ttm more.

hope everything will turn out fine.

next, ncc.

school reopens next week.

ncc is next weekend.

and next week training is.

hardcore.

hardcore.

hardcoreeeeeeeee!

NOBODY SCHOOL REOPEN,

THEN INTENSIVE TRAINING PLUS UT ONE LUH!

LIKE THAT HOW TO RUSH DOWN TO MACRITCHIE WHEN YOU GET TO LEAVE SCHOOL AT 5 AND MACRITCHIE CLOSE AT 6 FOR PADDLING!?!?!?!

HUH HUH HUH!??!?!?!?!?!

stupid system.

pfft.

OH SHIT LUH IM REALLY NERVOUS STRESS WHATEVER YOU CALL IT!

SHAKES INSIDE TTM! =(

OK ENJOY CAMP!

BAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

stop it.

stop coming to me.

i said stop,

stop it.

just. stop. it.

I'm really tired, I'm really tired.

what is this.

why is everything coming altogether at the same time.

i cant take it.

i need a breather.

my phone died right after i bathe.

rushed home because i hate this kind of empty feeling. (thats what Xjun call it)

i bought dinner and it bloody hell cost me $5.50!?!?!?!

ITS JUST A PACKET OF NOODLES WITH FILLET AND SAUSAGE WTH!

-.-.

should have just come home and drink milk.

yes, i still drank my milk and i think im growing fat tonight. -.-

rushed home, for what for what.

seemed to be meaningless.

priority..

speechless.

rj, compile results for running.

replied some email.

and im really tired.

my eyes are like that -.-

seriously like that -.-

I'm really tired.

i want to take a break but theres no break.

argh.

today was a bad day.

i need estacy.

training was tiring.

4 rounds around school was,

blank.

ok.

my msn nick pm was:

in the afternoon.

-

thats from my sweet girlfriend, bee. :)

then, i was feeling so horrible just now.

and surprise surprise!

-

-

(click on the above picture to enlarge it. dno why so small.)

Shes really sweet. :)

Haha, i have sweet teammates.

Thanks Fishy! :)

Its good to know that there are people who will be there to hold onto you when you're on the verge of breaking down.

I want chocolate milk.

I want MEIJI CHOCOLATE MILK!.

i just finish like 550ml of it and i'm damn tempted to gulp down the other 830ml bottle in the fridge.

=(

FAT LUH KELROY!

不要再问了.

不要再烦我了.

我真的很累.

走开,

走开.

nothing i can say to make myself feel better now.

priorities.

maybe i should sort them all out one by one again.

I'm really tired.

i wanna sleep through tomorrow.

no, sociology.

no, no.

i need to sleep.

endurance training was CRAZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

IT WAS TOTALLY ENDURING TTM!

FAINT RIGHT ON THE GROUND!

started off with 6x400m sprint sets.

done with 2 sets and thank goodness the rain saved me. T.T

orh bee quack to myself for running so fast for 2.4km strength test.

from group D to B now. geh kiang lorh.

1.32mins for 400m LEH LEH LEH!

my first set timing was 1.26mins.

second was 1.28mins.

sprint until the legs turn jelly, butt had the sourish pain feeling. sucks man.

i think if it didnt rain, i'd fail like the rest of the sets and hardcore run extra 400m for the sets i've failed. omgosh, just kill me.

every monday would be 4 rounds around the school. timing need to be taken.

every thurs would be 6x400m. each set hitting 1.32mins. fail would have to do extra sets.

omgosh, just kill me.

COME ON KELROY YOU KNOW YOU LOVE LAND TRAINING THAT MUCH!

ARGH!!!!!!!

gym was nowhere better.

unfortunately, catherine still remembers some of my weights = cannot slack.

benchpress was OMGOSH TO THE MAX!

6, 20, 20.

first 6 was fine. till the 20, 20. i was dying.

I SWEARRRRRRR I WOULD HAVE JUST LET GO AND JUST LET THE WEIGHTS DROP ON ME AND DIE! omgosh, it was really bad! T.T

pull up at the end was torturous to the max too.

but yay to kelroy who finish her gym sets despite not having a good night sleep.

ok, i really need sleep. badly.

ok, i think i didnt mention this but yes i skipped class today.

first time ever since school started luh.

ok, i better not make it a habit.

nope i wont.

ok, this week has been. really up and down.

i dunno.

i want to, take a break, and run away.

but no i cant.

sometimes i wonder why... ... ...

you leave me, feeling, so, :/.

1) i know im fat. i know im consuming fats still. i know im freaking fat and im still consuming tons of fats. that doesnt mean i dont care. so what if u're slim and all. so what. yeah, i know im a pig. i cant control my temptation for food. so what? stop telling me im fat. knn.

2) I hate you for doing whatever you're doing now. you got my blood boiling. you got me feeling pissed. you got me hating you and hating you more for whatever you've told me in the past. bastard. BASTARD! since when love is demanding. treat others like how you want others to treat you. just freaking ask yourself, have you? +++ rmb to clean ur ass after shitting.

3) Nobody forces anybody to go for training. you go on your own will. if you dont wanna go, dont go. if you wanna go, then dun complain. training is chui. yes. if you cant take it, u know urself best. dont go around saying, like as if u're being forced to go for training no matter what. wth?! /m\

4) mood swings are scary. yes. but it gets ridiculous when someone's mood swing for no reason. one moment we get attitude. one moment u're like ok. one moment u're gone with ur partner. and one moment u're here with us. everyone has attitude. but. everyone has limits too.

5) respect. talk nicely. occurs to you?

6) gentlewoman?

7) ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. u're just tearing me apart indirectly and congrats if u're reading cause u manage to affect me. u made me scared. u made me feel inferior. go on. cont doing what u're doing. who knows. i might just give it all up. JUST FOR YOU. Zzz.

im just killing myself this way.

just kill me and die.

work tmr.

kbye.

i should. take a break. from everything.

things are not working out and i find nothing to lean on anymore.. .. ..

im, exhausted, ttm.

support.. support. support?

goodbye.

today,
is,
not,
really,
good.

Popo fell this morning at the carpark where we were to pray to Gonggong.
She tripped over a curb and she totally fell flat. =(
i was walking infront with mum and sis and wilson was way infront of us and when i saw her fell, i was shocked, i was afraid.
She got a cut on her face, swell below her eye and a fractured wrist.
i thought she got a cut on her wrist but it was the bone poking out that cause the bleeding.
She was rushed to the A&E right after we send her to the clinic.
Went home with Xiuhui and Wilson. :/
Got to prepare for work still.

Sigh, this week is just a busy week for me
and im totally not prepared.
now Popo cant move her right hand, makes things very hard for all of us now.
Because dad and mum is working. xiuhui and wilson is schooling.
I got to be there for her now.
got to rush home every after training to cook and feed her and bathe her.

Seeing her in this state makes me feel not ok at all.
sigh, but what is done is done.
just got to hope that she'll be ok.

today work was fine. like i spend almost all my working hours in BnJ and yay because Wilson came over and help.
I miss working with him, him and his lame jokes and always like to disturb disturb.
hahahaha, though very strict about closing but hes damn fast. chop chop and done!
closing is so much better in bnj compared to amk. :/

so overall, working at bnj did lighten up my day alil.

probably because wilson was there to help too. :)

Joshie came to pick me. :)
yay. ok.
now.
got to stay focus.
Training, T2, Kicking, Twisting, Bursting, Longer strokes, Stretch.
not working this coming week for this weekends race.
still got to rush home for this week after training to look after popo.
ok.

I got to recover.
asap.
i need to.
oh gosh.
i really need to.

Im sick and tired of all your lies.
Im sick and tired of all your nonsense.
Im sick and tired of all your excuses.
You're fake.
Ultimate faker.
I tried my best to help you.
You disappoint me time and time again.
SO?
KBYE.

Im also sick and tired of whatever you're doing.
just stop it.
like, everyones helping.
u're running.
yeah
happily,
fuck them all.
i dun care anymore.
just, go, and, do, whatever, you, think, its, right.
continue being a fishmonger.

and i really mean what i said ytd.

if i could, if i had the ability,

without hesitation, i would.

im webcaming with my k4 girls.
im glad i have them.
I love them. :)

no matter what happens.

worse things can happen to me even further.

its ok.

cause i have them,

and they will always be there, to hold me, to support me.

Thanks girls, me love you 3 loads.

And Joshiie,

Me miss you tons.

My mood swings are horrible. -.-

And im sick of all your nonsense/excuses. just very tired of the same old lines.

seriously can you all please just do something about it?

nobody believes all of you..

and i thought one should shuo dao zuo dao.

whats with decisions?

second time yo...

be fair please.

and i mop the kitchen just now and i realise something.

mop at workplace are so much heavier.

i mop finish the kitchen like within 5 mins nia.

my house mop just seems to light luh.

and still while mopping my arms are like on the verge to break. =(

late on wednesday training.

actually wun late one. -.-

3 mins.

got to do 6 mins of push ups.

6 x 60 = 360.

my arms aching really badly after doing all the push ups.

sucks real badly.

but i just drag myself to khatib this morning again.

its all about the mental k.

training has been increasing intensity and moving on to sprint sets.

its good, but i have to break barrier over barrier.

its tough.

MR500 lineup is up.

T2 with Xiaojun. :)

K4 with Cath, Adeline and Xiaojun. :)

yay.

JIAYOU AHHHHH AHHH AHHHHHH!

16 more days yo.

i dunno what else to blog about.

tomorrow is friday the 13~

Josh got his laptop.

hes like so happy. lol.

Others are all at herstory.

k bye~

I DAMN SIAN NOW LUH!

FREAKING PISSED SAD FRUSTRATED WHATEVER! =(

super angry with the schedule this week.

yay, transfer to ahmeng kopi liao lorh.

happily think i wont tio, win liao luh.

i requested to work tues and sunday for this week nia.

schedule came out.

when?

tues, fri, sat, sun.

NIIIIIIIIII NAAAAAABEHHHHHHZXZXZXZXZXZ!

contact manager immediately and she say cancel out my sat schedule

but tues and friday must work cause train me in ahmengkopi for sunday schedule.

SURE BUSY LIKE SIAO!

wah lao. friday 13th march leh.

SUPPOSE TO GO OUT WITH JOSHUA LEHHHHH!!!!!

THEN NOW THROW ME WORK AND BU SAN BU SI TIMING SOMEMORE!

DAMN SIAN LUH DAMN SIAN DAMN SIAN DAMN SIAN MANY TIMES TO THE MAX! -.-

then need black belt, need black shoes.

wah lao wah lao wah lao.

DAMN SAD LUH FRIDAY WORKING ARGH!

IM SO SORRY JOSHUA. really sorry. =(

ok, got my haircut alr. nothing much.

no more tail, thin it and tadah.

next month hardcore k.

My parents damn cute.

i enter their room and they were doing suduko individually but they were seated side by side. hahahahaha.

damn sian damn sian.

first wilson transfer to kfc.

then not fun liao.

then nvm.

still transfer me.

bwarh.

must learn new things new things new things.

=(

bwarh.

cries.

dunno.

*whines*

*whines again*

=(

ok shuddap.

tmr aft training need to go get new things.

my shoes.

need go change the sportsbra mummy bought for me.

need to get stufffffffff.

need to get this.

get that.

with only 200 as my pay.

how how how.

suckszx.

kae shuddap luh.

today isnt a good day.

i hate it lorh.

training tomorrow.

trainings gonna be extra xiong ness.

2 weeks 2 weeks.

bwarhzx.

ok blog again. bye. =(

*go find joshua rant and whine*

yes poor joshua, but idc. bleah.